Do you know your partners LOVE LANGUAGE?
Does your partner know your love language?
Hmmmm……
So have you ever been in one of those relationships where you think you’re doing everything you can to please your partner but they’re still feeling frustrated and unloved?
I mean…. you’re giving them compliments, you work hard all day to bring home the bacon to pay the bills, you give them gifts and you even do some chores around the house… but they’re still feeling unloved?
I mean what more do they want right?
It’s incredibly frustrating and annoying. Well, the reason why they aren’t feeling loved is that you’re not speaking their love language!
People don’t give and receive love in the same way.
Most of us think that the way we want to be loved is how others want to be loved as well….. but this is not the case.
If you’re not speaking the same language as your partner then you could be missing the mark completely and not even know it.
Basically it’s the equivalent of a British guy trying to talk to a Chinese guy. It’s not going to go well because you’re simply not going to understand each other.
If you’re going to have a strong relationship you have to know how you and your partner both give and receive love.
In the book, “The 5 Love Languages”, author Gary Chapman talks about 5 different ways people feel love and affection.
Here are the 5 languages:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Gift Giving
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
Let’s talk about Words of Affirmation…
Do you like hearing, “I love you” or compliment or meaningful words above all else?
Are insults especially detrimental to your relationship?
If so, then Words of Affirmation is probably your love language.
If you discover that this is your partner’s love language, make sure you give them genuine compliments and tell them you appreciate them often!
What about Quality Time?
Do you value full and undivided attention above all else?
One on one time with the TV off, the cell phone put away and no distraction is what makes this type of person feel love the most.
Canceled or postponed dates and failure to listen are especially hurtful to this type of love feeler.
Learn to listen better. Make eye contact more and spend more time with him/her instead of at the office or glued to your cell phone.
Ask them what they like to do with you and then schedule a day to do it. Don’t assume what they like to do is… ask and be sure!
Ah yes – the Gift Giving and gift receiving type
Sure we all like getting gifts, but this type of person loves getting gifts above all else because it shows the love that went into the gift.
I’m not talking about materialistic for the cost of the object but the thought behind it.
Missed birthdays, anniversaries and thoughtless gifts will drive this person crazy!
The cost doesn’t matter. It’s the thought- whether it is a card or some picked flowers or a note saying that you love them.
It’s the thought that counts!
Loving with Acts of Service
This love language can be a simple as taking out the trash, paying the bills, doing the dishes, picking up the kids from school and so on.
Broken commitments and laziness show complete and total lack of love.
If you’re love language is Acts of Service and your partner is giving you gifts… pfffff… those gifts get chucked out the window! He/she wants service.
How about some physical touch?
Is cuddling, holding hands and thoughtful touches the most important thing to you?
If so, then physical touch could be your love language.
If their physical presence is important or they constantly want to see you then this could be an indicator as well.
So, which love language do your primarily identify with?
One of them should resonate with you. Think about each one and imagine your partner doing each one in turn. How do you feel?
You can figure out your love language is easily by thinking about your childhood. How did you parents express their love to you? What made you feel loved the most? The answers to those questions might translate into how you now express and receive love.
What’s your first instinct when you want to show someone you love them?
Now think about these Love Languages from your partner’s perspective. Can you identify their love language?
Remember what we think is an act of love may not be seen that way by your wife, your husband or your partner.
If you want to make your lover feel loved – find their love language and speak it! Do something special once a week to fill up their love tank.
The love tank is like the gas tank in a car. You want to fill it up and keep it full. Your love life will be at its best with a full tank.
A full tank can keep you going through trying times and relationship difficulties. If you’re running on fumes now, then it’ll take awhile for the tank to get full so keep at it… persistence pays off.
Keep speaking their love language and in time your relationship will start going in the right direction.
Remember – love is a choice!
Even if you lose some love feelings over the course of a marriage, or any other long-term relationship, you can choose to do the actions first and the feelings of love will follow.
It sounds a little counterintuitive but it works!
